July 22, 2001

When I finally escaped to university, I kissed Jesus good-bye and became an evangelical feminist. I didn’t think twice before confronting the unenlightened, through my column in the weekly student paper or through one of the many campus groups I organized.

But several years later, things fell apart for me when my roommates, and my closest friend, asked me to move out. Seems I had taken up with a member of the wrong sex – a man. "You’re not practicing what you used to preach," they told me. I knew I’d never preach another word. Having lost the love and support of these women, I entered a deep depression as I entered graduate school (as if grad school isn’t bad enough as it is!).

If my Southern Baptist upbringing had backfired, my time as a feminist crusader left me utterly disempowered. I thought I would never again fill that spiritual void. As I cried my way through the first service I attended here in January, I remember bitterly thinking, "If I had only known it could be like this." But over the past six months, I have begun to gain a new perspective on the past. The politics I continue to profess came to me straight from the New Testament – that I don’t regret. And if I had continued to be such a dogmatic feminist, I wouldn’t be a very good Unitarian. I mean, I was right about everything – I didn’t need to respect anyone who disagreed.

Finally, the embers of my more fiery self are beginning to glow again, with more warmth than light this time around. I had been convinced that the goddess was giving me the silent treatment, but now I’m getting up the courage to pay her a visit at Unicamp next month. And in the fall, I’ll become a facilitator for the adult OWL program, bringing with me the knowledge that labels and boxes are not necessarily the healthiest way to define one’s sexuality.

I am able to take these risks because in the time I’ve been at First, I have been encouraged to accept myself. To believe in our first principle means that my worth and dignity are inherent to me, not dependent on how well I follow the rules. What a truly revolutionary idea. Sometimes I still get nervous and forget to be myself from time to time, but then I remember that no one here thinks I’m going to hell, whether or not I shave my legs. Thank you for that.

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